Arshanti Allan

:B

2011-12-18T13:58:00.000+08:00

Why the hell is everybody terasa by my previous blog entry? What the fuck makes you think I know how your dick smells like? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

I had another epiphany.

2011-12-17T11:37:00.001+08:00

Actually you're not even good looking you know. And you smell like your dick.

My third time-lapse attempt.

2011-12-15T04:45:00.000+08:00

My second time-lapse attempt.

2011-12-14T06:48:00.000+08:00

My first time-lapse attempt!

2011-12-14T02:05:00.000+08:00

LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!

2011-12-11T02:41:00.000+08:00

Female gamers. Best girlfriends in the world.

2011-12-10T00:19:00.001+08:00

fffffuuuuuuuuu

2011-12-07T03:13:00.000+08:00

Brain Troll

2011-12-06T21:14:00.002+08:00

I just woke up from a stupid dream. I won't say who it's of, but let's just call him fuckingdouchebagofnovember2011. In my dream, he told me he now have a girlfriend. I don't quite care about him anymore, like I haven't once thought of him ever since we last talked, but somehow when I woke up, I felt like I was affected by it, like I didn't like the idea of him having a girlfriend. Kinda hurts a bit. Don't know why..

Then I sat in bed, wondered what the fuck that was all about, tried to make sense of it, then my brain started thinking of all endearing stuffs related to him! Probably cause I miss him and wonder how he's doing.. Started thinking of stuffs like douchebag smiling at me, douchebag trying to look manly, douchebag walking and waving at me in the carpark, douchebag wiping his sweat, douchebag giving me a hug, douchebag with his signature perverted look, douchebag with his puppy face when he listens to all my stories, etc.. first it was alright, I was just remembering what he was like and what makes him him...until I started wondering where he is now. My brain trolled on me and thought of places he could be at with some not even possible to happen. My brain was like...

maybe douchebag is by the river of babylon..

maybe douchebag is dancing with John Travolta..

maybe douchebag is walking on sunshine..

maybe douchebag is having prata for supper at simpang bedok..

maybe douchebag is climbing the great wall of china...

maybe douchebag met and fell in love with Eileen Dover..

HAHAHAHA What the fuck, brain, what the fuck! I not only miss him even more, I was sort of entertained and amused by my imagination. Oh the humorous ways my brain works.. Okay.. time to snap out of it. He's nothing He's nothing He's nothing He's nothing He's nothing He's nothing He's nothing. I'm in control of my feelings. He's nothing, Shanti.. He's nothing. He was only there to use you. He won't call, he won't text, he won't even remember you. He's nothing. Goosfraba....

here comes long overdue photossssss

Thanks to Emman Obnamia for catching this touching moment of me and dad.

2011-12-05T19:00:00.000+08:00

Today my dad called to say he's in Yishun.. He said he wanted to transfer me some allowance money through ATM but then decided to come all the way to my mom's place to give it personally instead just so he could see me and have a little chat. So sweet right! My daddy misses me! hehe

Hard at work II

2011-12-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

I HAF A DICK!!!!!!!!!!111

2011-12-04T17:30:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2: The Subliminal Message

2011-12-02T18:58:00.002+08:00

I was texting Kheed Aerwalk this morning, talking about a guy who tried using a 'tactic' to talk to me (refer to previous blog post) and he was like saying something along the lines of "what kind of name is Nikmat!!? What a name for a name!" I replied "Isn't Nikmat respect in Malay?" but then I was like oh wait no thats hormat, hormat is respect, so what the fuck is Nikmat. Kheed then told me 'Nikmat' is actually the literal translation for PLEASURE.

After being told that, I felt sick to the guts. I don't care if that's his real name or an actual common Malay name, I felt like I was being sexually harassed by it! It's like saying your name is Mike Hawk Besar or Mike Hunt Nakyou and then secretly like it whenever people call you that. It's just wrong.

I remembered 2 years back I got to know this Chinese girl who is so full of herself (I know I am too but this one is MAYOR of town fullofyourself). Her name is Eileen Somethingsomethingchingchongchingchong and she's those 'step atas' kind of person who hangs out Coffee Bean or the steps right outside Ngee An City only and always holds an unlighted Viceroy menthol cigarette between her fingers, close to her face.

She thinks she looks like this

But she looks like this

Except it looks more like this

and even more like this

and this

I'm serious.. Step atas LVL Takblehangkat2themaxXXXxxxXXX!! Her then online nickname was Eileen Fashcute or Fashioncute, something annoying of that sort. Nobody really likes her because she's like nothing and a no one but she's trying so hard to make herself known for being ATAS and shit. We all call her Lor Mai Kai btw because the first time we met her, she was eating that. Actually we initially call her Siew Mai.. but then we decided not to because we realize we can't get the image of her out of our heads each time we eat Siew Mai... So it's been Lor Mai Kai from then on..

in case you don't know, this is a Lor Mai Kai. It's those glutinous pulut chicken rice shit that always comes in those metallic steaming container with Siew Mai or Baos or Paos whatever. It's always on the last row.

Anyway.. Eileen was asking me how did I got sort of famous online. I told her it was the name... my name.. It's prominent. It's easily recognizable and is unique. People won't forget. She then thought maybe all she need is an awesome name to generate more friend requests considering Eileen somethingsomethingchingchongchingchong is too chingchong and Fashcute is too cute (according to her). This was 2 years ago, and I was very evil and childish so I came up with a brilliant plan to secretly make a fool out of her. I said "ehhhhhhhhhh.... Why not call yourself Eileen Dover from now on!" AND SHE ACTUALLY DID. MYSPACE, FRIENDSTER, TAGGED, EILEEN DOVER! She didn't get the joke! She actually became a living walking running gag for about a year until someone told her how wrong it sounds and then she realize why we 'love' calling her by her full name so much.

I wonder if she's still alive.. You'll still be in our memories.

Chapter 1: The 'Tactic' [My brain is full of fuck]

2011-12-01T23:36:00.007+08:00

Some time ago, I received a text from an unknown number asking if my name's Arshanti and whether or not I remember him. He said he approached me in town because he wanted to get to know me and that I gave him my number. I told him I know no such person as Razif and I don't anyhow give out my number so it couldn't be me. I burst his bubble and said some other girl must have gave him a random contact to avoid giving him her real number. He apologized then stopped messaging me. Few minutes later this very same individual name Razif sent me a friend request on facebook despite knowing I'm not the same girl he initially wanted to get to know. I find it suspicious. How does a person who have never seen me before find me on facebook? There's alot of other Arshanti on facebook too you know.

and first of all he said I gave him my number thinking girls like me always give out numbers and easily forget who they give it to. WRONG MOVE BRO. I don't give out my number often, and I can clearly remember the people who I give it to. Secondly he said we met at town knowing it's a place where EVERYONE goes to. ANOTHER WRONG MOVE BRO. I don't go to town often and I remember clearly I didn't give out my number to anyone during those few times that I do. Saying you see me in town is like saying you see me in the MRT except I don't take MRT, I take the cab. Smart move but not smart enough to fool me. I suspected this was all a well planned tactic like he got my number from someone and wanted to open a conversation so I ignored.

Today I received a text from some guy name Nikmat who is apparently sending a mass forward message to all his contacts to inform them of his newly changed number. I replied that I know no Nikmat and he said he wasn't sure if he know me too and that he just simply forward to all contacts from his old phone. I assumed maybe I might know the person who uses his old phone so I ignored. Few minutes later this same Nikmat guy sent me a friend request on facebook despite knowing we don't know each other. I was wondering how the hell he found my facebook in the first place and then it struck me.. This whole thing reminded me of the Razif incident! and then guess what I found out!! Razif and Nikmat are mutual friends on facebook! They both know each other! It can't be coincidental that they both, who i've never heard of, who knows each other, mysteriously have my number and then add me on facebook after sending a rather odd text message.

Update: While typing this blog post, Nikmat dude sent me another sms.

YOU THINK I STUPID IS IT?!!!!!!!!!!

MY BRAIN IS FULL OF FUCK!!!!!

Seriously guys.. want to kenal-kenal then just say.. Don't underestimate my ability to figure out these tactics. I know all these tactics because I USED TO DO IT MYSELF TOO. I've mastered the art of it... like taking note of the location my victim has checked-in on facebook and then messaging them that I saw them there... All this shit used to work and is fool-proof until the fucking matreps start using it, and now worst, they're using it on me! Its like playing with a player!

And yes.. girls like me need to use the 'tactic' too.. You see sometimes... though once in a very blue moon.. I will add a really hot guy... and then the guy will send me a message like "hi do i know you?.." and then what? Of course I won't reply and say "no we dont know each other but i just wanted to make friends, and maybe date, or somehow end up in a very serious relationship because you seem fuckable and i would like to have your baby and perhaps get married someday." no. I cannot say that. my ego won't allow me to say such things. so yeah.. thats when the tactic comes in handy. If the guy is an ang moh, I'd say "oh i saw you at Newton not long ago!" because ang moh kids always lepak at the newton food place. If the guy is someone from the scene, I'd say "we used to mosh together at gashaus gigs years back." because everyone from the scene have once been to gashaus. If the guy is chinese, I'd say "I think I saw you at Cineleisure.. Or Far East plaza..." because all chinks go there at least once a month without fail.

Sometimes I also want to get to know this really hot guy.. lets say his name is.. hmmm... okay Edris for example. but I'm too shy to personally ask for his phone number.. So I ask from a friend who has it.. and then I'd pretend to send a message to the wrong number.. and then when he asks "who is this", I'd say "oh sorry.. this is Arshanti.. I'm suppose to text another friend name Idris but [friend] gave me the number for Edris. Edris, Idris, same same, common mistake, so sorry, anyways hi" and then I'll try drag the conversation longer.

I'm smart.. tell me about it.

So mom and I fixed the 'chronic toilet' flush...

2011-11-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

and I was just being cute...

Hard at work :)

2011-11-30T16:58:00.000+08:00

Finally found something I'm good at.

Finally accepting all friend request from guys,

2011-11-30T02:02:00.002+08:00

Because it's time to move on.

The Sheqster & The Shanmiester

2011-11-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

Sorry for friendzoning you... But look where we are now! The bestfriendzone!

Sounds familiar?

2011-11-29T18:00:00.006+08:00

My picture is up on sammyboyforum again.. This time not the 'malay girls' thread. It's some 'girls looking for fun' or something along the lines thread. Some random phone number was up beside my photo, says I'm 19, Caucasian, and studying in Chatsworth International. Weird.

A friend of mine saw it and initially thought I posted it myself, but he knew I'm not the kind to fake my identity and pretend I'm something I'm not so he informed me about it. There is really nothing I can do about it. These are just the repercussions of uploading my photos online. Anyone can see, anyone can steal. Can't be bothered to check the forum anymore.

Hey,

2011-11-29T02:28:00.001+08:00

Everything will be alright. I promise.

Alina Allan Chands Wedding

2011-11-28T20:18:00.003+08:00

Wedding deco was set up on Friday and had henna done by a lady we hired. For some religious bullshit reason, she refuse to do inai on the Groom's finger because she doesn't wanna touch his hand. Other than that, her service was good though I'm a little intimidated by her accent. We left our henna art to dry for 4 to 5 hours and initially after washing, the color was bright orange and it was kinda disappointing.. Woke up the next morning and surprisingly it changed to dark brown!

Fascinated by the dome and the chandelier deco.

Right me, left Fiqa.

Alina with Henna.

Because I'm ugly.

Nikah took place on Saturday afternoon. The bride's family wears red while the groom's pink. My sister look pretty that day but I have to say the make-up artist wasn't doing her job well and she looked terrible. She made my sister look like a batu nisan! (tomb stone). Shaded the eyebrow too dark and my sister was forced to put on a tudung though actually it's not necessary. By right, a mak andam (make up artist) is supposed to follow the bride everywhere, touch up the make up every minute, wipe her sweat, etc.. But this lady, considering she's actually a cousin of the groom, actually prioritized her looks more than the bride. Like when my sister was having a runny nose due to a cold and had to wipe her mucus, the make up artist was in another room doing her own hair and shit, and when my sister was at the pelamin, the make up artist wasn't by her side, she was busy sitting on another table talking to relatives. This is not acceptable. Everybody there knew she wasn't doing her job but we kept quiet about it. My sister didn't complain because she doesn't know the procedure and how a real make up artist is suppose to be. We talked to her about it at the end of the day and she told us another different make-up artist is gonna tend to her for the next day.

My best shot for the day.

Bunga rampai.

Apparently its a pantang larang for a bride to look at the mirror while make up is being applied.

Else she'd look like shit. True story.

Zahh Zainah, the better bridesmaid.

The nikah was held under the void deck. Dad came.. with his wife.. surprisingly.. Not gonna go into the whole step mother thing. All I can say is things are still not going well between the both of us. Relative's on my dad's side came as witness of the event but none of my mom's siblings were there. Apparently they decided to attend another wedding of some unimportant old neighbor instead just because there were karaoke. It was disappointing. We attend all their children's wedding but when it come to my sister's, where are they? But it's alright, our whole life they were never there for us, so this was kinda expected.. Nothing new..

Our families were divided into 2 groups.. The bride's side were seated on one end and had a 'spectator view' to witness the event and the groom's side were standing by him, giving him support while the proceedings were being carried out by the Tok Qadi dude.

Hantaran gift to the Groom. Guitar, amp, gadget, etc...

flowers deco look like bunga untuk tabur kat kubur je..

Where the hell is the mak andam?

Aunty Gul with Uncle Dennis Hardman.

Daddy.

oh look! there she is! mak andam is there busy taking photos!

TAKING PHOTOS.

Spectator view.

Tok Qadi

Without these men, they can't get married.

Sah? Tak sah?

Daddy signing.

Groom's father signing.

Brother's signing.

$7k.

Mommy

Right before these pictures were taken, I suddenly said "feels like someone is missing.." and then we all looked around and knew it was dad. Sudden realization... Mom and dad are divorced..

(actually after I uploaded the photos at home and showed them to mom, she asked "why does it feel like someone is missing? is everybody in it?" and I didn't say anything.) It's quite heartbreaking. Things are good for now but it will never be the same.

after Nikah and the exchange of gifts and rings, it was time for makan!

Uncle Madi.

Uncle Alex, Dad and

Khai, Jas, Zah and mom..

They hurt my tiny bones :(

Shortly after dinner, the groom's elder sister found out that someone have sneaked into their bedroom and stole $500-$800 from her wallet. Could have been anyone. Alot of people have been walking in and out of the house and our bags were lying around everywhere. Thank god my money and things were untouch. The culprit aimed for the sister's wallet because they knew she's holding onto a lump sum ever since her husband passed away about 3 months back.

The newly weds then had a change of costume for the outdoor wedding shoot and I had to plan for the location. I initially suggested Chinese garden and the other photographers agreed because first of all, its near and secondly the place is romantic, perfect for a night wedding photoshoot. I then told the driver and he was like "NOOOooOOoOOo CANNOT! WE'RE MUSLIM!" and another went "The place is haunted!" WHAT THE FUCK? Since when Muslim's can't go Chinese garden? In fact I know someone else who's having a MALAY TRADITIONAL WEDDING at that very same moment at one of the function halls in Chinese garden. what fucking bullshit is muslims not being allowed to go chinese garden? and haunted??????? I've made out and gave blowjobs to my exes there so many fucking times late in the night, what ghost you talking about??? fucking retarded lah. I got annoyed and just walked away while they were talking to me halfway. NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT NIGHT.

We then proceeded to Resort World Sentosa instead.. I didn't took any photos with my camera because there were already 3 other photographers to do the job anyways.

Photographers then left early and I had to do the shoot for the last outfit at midnight.

First day event finally came to an end and we were so exhausted we decided to spend the night at the sister's place instead since no one is there and we don't have to be cramped out at the parent's place. I think I woke up on Sunday morning at 8am and started getting ready for the long day ahead. The newly weds are suppose to arrive at the wedding location at 3.30pm, so I left first alone in the morning and took a cab there since my help is needed. I was wearing a white kebaya top with red wrap-around sarong and also I was carrying this huge black NS fieldpack cause all my things including shoes were inside, and everybody on the streets were staring at me. Felt weird going out like this. When I got there, all the mats were staring at me so I stuck around my brother and the bestman so the mats think I have a boyfriend and stop 'swee swee-ing' at me.

Set up the guestbook, took out the red ties for the bestmans, and gave the corsages to all the close family members... Rafik came alone.. I think he only just landed from Australia like a day ago? It was very nice to see him. Poor dude so malu to eat alone, he initially wanted to leave and said he had to be somewhere, until I said I was gonna eat too for the sake of accompanying him, and then he agreed to stay a little longer..

My Aunt Tynna Marlina came up to me and asked "whens your turn?" I said in 10 years and in all seriousness, she was like

"good. don't rush into it. All men are bastards. No such thing as one special or some different. ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS. YOU HEAR ME? THEY'RE BASTARDS."

I was slightly creeped out because I could sense anger between the lines but I kept a straight face and said "Don't you think I know that by now.. Why do you think I've been single?" and I've never felt so proud of my comeback. lol.

Brother and girlfriend

Bridesmaid and Bestman.

OMG WHY MY EYEBROW SO BOTAKKKKKKKKK? I look so plastic :(

Marino Chand

am i really that bulat?

2011-11-28T09:43:00.000+08:00

Look what I found in my phone!

2011-11-26T00:11:00.001+08:00

The date it was written in initially says April 2010 but i accidentally press the typing function so the date got updated. Weird.. I never notice this in my phone. I've changed phone twice since last year and reset it so many times but it's still stored in my iTunes backup. Still have no clue who..

Currently listening to: reflections of my life - the marmalades

2011-11-25T22:27:00.001+08:00

Sister's wedding starts tomorrow. I'll be here all weekend. I've been staying over her fiancé's place since yesterday to help out with the preparations. There's really nothing left for me to do but I thought I should just try make full use of myself and be there for my sister. The wedding deco is all set up under the void deck. Lights all fixed and flowers everywhere. It's pretty much impressive for typical Malay wedding. Pretty much grand.. I can safely say her big day will be beautiful. All the money, time and effort they've put in will be worth it at the end. Things may seem rough right now, with almost everything not going according to plan, but I'm pretty sure it will work out on the day itself.

Sister's being cranky at home. Yelled at me for not listening, but I shall just excuse her attitude for I know she has alot going through her mind right now. Everything she wanted for her big day is not going according to plan. She feels like the in laws have hijacked the wedding planning with making all the big decisions according to what they want without asking for her opinion first.

I'm feeling stressed too for some reason. everyone is busy with the preps and the whole house is noisy, it's never my kind of thing. Not a corner for me to sit down and have some peace and quiet, and i don't know anyone else there to stick and talk to so I decided to take a walk and end up at some dark park which I'm currently at right now.

Finally.. Silence... Alone thinking time.. what I deserve all day.

I was just thinking.. Will my relatives be all annoying and bother me with such awkward questions like "when's your turn?" or "where's your boyfriend?" or "why so skinny? Are you stress?" it's what all the aunties and uncles do at every wedding. Tell me how am i suppose to answer that? When's my turn? When I'm old enough that's when. Where's my boyfriend? What boyfriend? Don? We broke up 2 years ago. Why I'm skinny? Because back then you used to ask me why I was so fat that's why! Why don't you ask me for my name because I'm pretty sure you can't remember it considering I've always been known as 'the youngest one', but never by my name.

I realized that after this event, it will immediately be my brother's engagement. He'll probably be married too within the next 2 years and then I'll be the last one. It's still a very long way for me to go but I worry what if my parents don't allow me to get married. For some reason because I'm the youngest of 3 siblings, my parents never like the idea of me dating or in a relationship with anyone. They were alright for my siblings, allowing them to have boyfriends and girlfriends since they were as young as 13, but it was never the same for me. Im 18 now and my mom knows I'm the strongest and pretty much the most independent at this age of all her 3 children, but she doesn't trust me with guys. I assumed it's because I'm the youngest, the baby of the family, and my parents can't accept the fact that I'm growing. In their mind, I'm still that small little shanti who will never touch a boy. But mom and dad, I'll probably feel like settling down in the next 5 to 8 years, will you allow me? Or would you continue making sure I don't grow so fast so you can forever keep an eye on me? When it's my turn, will you finally let me go?

Then again I'm only 18.. It's only normal why my parents are still concern about me dating ..though I'm not exactly sure why they were lenient with my brother and sister.

Wow I haven't had time alone to think in so long!! Look how much I've written! Thought I lost the ability to write what I'm thinking. Love mind conversations with myself! I love you shanti..

Some will seek forgiveness, others escape.

2011-11-25T04:43:00.002+08:00

This is for Joe semangat, my brother from another family.

Thanks for always looking out for me, for being there when I was in the most darkest moment of my life, for sticking up for me when I was in trouble with gang related situations, for forcing me to eat when I was under depression, for bringing me out to eat when I was suffering from nutrient deficiency, for staying over when I was living all alone, for taking me shopping when I had no other friend, for accompanying me to the crowded geylang bazaar when you knew my family was to busy to be with me, for coming all the way at 3am to fetch me from dads place and sending me to moms place when you knew I couldn't stand living there another minute, for giving me pocket money randomly out of the kindness of your heart, for calling me out to have pancakes for breakfast whenever you can, for giving and buying me boxes of cigarettes countless time without me asking because you knew I couldn't afford it sometimes, for offering to pay for a dress I really like, for giving me brotherly advices and warnings of boys and bastards alike, for pampering me with cookies and making me feel so much better about a boy situation today, for introducing me to your friends as 'the sister you never had',

And there's probably more that you've done for me that I may have forget but I'll always remember how grateful I am to have a bestfriend like you.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm probably just bored. Hello!

And hi Edris, I know you're reading this. Now stop. Oh and I miss you.

How To Eat Oreos For Dummies.

2011-10-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

Pour Milk Into Cup

Inspect Oreos.

Twist it to pull it apart. (Note: Must use full force)

Jilat the shizzle.

Dunk it into cup of milk.

Swollow everything.

Take one more oreo, and repeat steps.

Don't forget to make this face and use your tongue to chew on the remaining bits of oreos stucked between your teeth.

Oh and I have no idea who's oreos these are. Was in the fridge so I just eat lor...

2011-10-28T06:27:00.000+08:00

Light : Fluorescent

Love : Pain

Darkness : Thoughts

Green : Grass

Tattoo : Regret

Regret : Tattoo

Wardrobe : Narnia

Teenagers : Fucked

Social : Politics

Boyfriends : Unnecessary

Gadget : Technology

Roads : Connected

Sadness : Parents

Happiness : Parents

Parents : God

Beauty : Unappreciated

Cats : Bestfriend

Television : Educational

Bad : Habit

Blue : Porn

Money : Need

Envy : Jealousy

Dates : Tests

Comfort : Home

Self : Amazing

Time : Precious

Hope : Lost

The end. End of time. Time is precious. Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious. Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.Precious memories. Memories is all you have left. Left ad right. Right on track. Track and field. Field of flowers. Flowers are nice. Nice and easy. Easy girls. Girls are not funny. Funny moments. Moments in time. Time is precious.

K dah.

The Stubborn Smokers

2011-09-23T01:08:00.001+08:00

For those who love controversial humor blogs like mine, you might wanna check out The Stubborn Smokers. It's very much alot like my blog and you know why? It's because I'm one of the writers.

http://stubbornsmokers.blogspot.com

Where all the children left without a trace.

2011-09-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the hotel California, Such a lovely place, Such a lovely face.

2011-09-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

So I was at the hotel in Malaysia the other day, we were in the elevator with some strangers and I wanted to creep them out so I started singing "You can check out anytime that you like.. But you can never leave.." True story.

Ultra Violet

2011-09-08T22:59:00.001+08:00

They say Someone somewhere out there is made just for me. Whoever you are, please show up sooner. I already love you and I'm already starting to miss you. It feels like I've already known you.

Vandalism made me famous.

2011-09-08T13:34:00.000+08:00

Previously I've blogged about how I've been receiving so many prank calls lately and they're all been asking for free phone sex. My friend Farhan recently found the root of the problem while he was out visiting his aunt for Hari Raya. What he found under his aunt's void deck is this

So big somemore.. no wonder la people actually call. I have no idea who did this but whoever he is must be one of the 30+ people in my phone contacts cause I don't really give my number out.

The sun shines brighter when I'm over him.

2011-09-03T08:53:00.002+08:00

Today is a good day. In fact, it's an amazing day, and it only just started!

Maybe this might be one of those blog posts I'll regret posting after a few months, the kind of blog posts that makes me look back and ask "what was I thinkingg???". Also the kind of blog post that I want a particular someone to read, but then again at the same time I don't want him to..

So okay, 5.30am, Don texted me, told me he's been thinking of a certain mysterious girl lately and couldn't seem to get her out of his head, said they had a good thing going on long ago but drifted apart because her friends said he's been seeing other girls and shit, he said he doesn't know what he should do because he's afraid she doesn't feel the same way he does. He practically told me things an ex-girlfriend like me wouldn't wanna hear. Anyway the point here is, I know that mysterious girl isn't me, but you know what, it didn't feel so bad after all!

I was pretty much surprised with how my feelings didn't crumble down or tear into a million piece like it normally would. For the first time ever since Don came into my life, IT DIDN'T HURT! It's like one morning I wake up and I'm totally over him. After 2 years! Yeah Don have a girlfriend and she's not me, it's alright. Don has been thinking of someone and she's not me, it's alright! Don will be spending his life with a wife who's not me, IT'S ALRIGHT! Everything suddenly feels like it's okay and that it doesn't bother be the slightest bit.

The red sun rises and shines on my bed, I look out the windows and the air was smoother, the grass is greener than it normally was, and I'm happier than I was yesterday. I feel good! Today is a good day! It's like I can think straight and fantasize a future with him not in it. Something I couldn't control for 2 years. Yes of course a part of me will always have a soft spot for him and I do still love Donovan, but our fate don't belong together to begin with and it's alright.

I can finally just smile, let it all go and realize this isn't working and it never will. I'm finally ready to date others and not worry about what if Don comes back and I'm just losing another chance.

Everything is alright. Everything will be alright.

Fun fact:

See the rocks we were sitting on? The Hill is about 12 floors above ground level.

Was hanging out at Marsiling Hill with friends, playing truth or dare, and I was asked where is the weirdest place I've given a blowjob. "Here."

Funny right? true story, bro. who? Herman, my 2011 exboyfriend who didn't mean a thing to me thats why he

was never mentioned in my blog.

I'm constantly surrounded by people and laughters and families and I have hundreds of facebook guys bugging me everyday. SO WHY SO SERIOUSSSS

My anual Hari Raya complains

2011-09-01T08:36:00.002+08:00

Raya this year was nothing different from the previous years. Nothing will ever be the same like when mom and dad were still together, but there's nothing I could say or anyone to blame because shits happens and sometimes, it happens for no reason.

Of course I had trouble trying to balance my time on who to spend with on Hari Raya.. Spent the whole day at mom's place and went to visit dad for like an hour only. Dad was surrounded by people, he had an open house, his step children was there, his step grandkids were running around. He looked happy, and I'm happy that he's happy, but it saddens me that he now have a new family of his own, a whole new package and set of people to replace our existence and the hole in his heart. I was really sad. He didn't even call me for the past week to check on me or invite me over or help out with the preparations, nothing, it seemed like he never needed me anymore. I understand he now have a life of his own, and it is us who distant ourselves because we hated staying at dad's place for a reason, but it feels like we already lost our dad the time he went for the bypass surgery. No wait, I think it was way before that, I think we already lost him the day he remarried.

I sat quietly at dad's place, no expression, just sat there and looked at everyone. I could tell in my brother's and sister's face that they were feeling the same sadness I did. The sadness isn't about mommy and daddy separating, it's the fact that daddy is no longer there, daddy belongs to somebody else. I haven't gone there in months so I decided to check on my room.

My room door was closed so I went in and pretend I was gonna put my bag down, but the moment I got in, the whole room was in a mess. Someone was sleeping on my bed, some people have been sleeping on my bed, some kid's plush toy was lying around, the blankets were all over the place, their clothes were hung in my wardrobe and on the pole. What the fuck is this? We specifically told dad that that room is for no one else but me and my siblings, how could he allow anyone else to sleep it in? Next time I come, I hope they fucking make sure I see no one else or nothing that doesn't belong to us in there. It's OUR ROOM. It's me, Lina's and Jas' room. OUR FUCKING ROOM. We don't even stay there often because we feel left out and out of place whenever we're there. Always feels like we're unwanted. Can't even bring friends over. And someone would always show her attitude. Sometimes I would call dad to inform him that I'm staying for the night but he'll say I can't because SOMEONE ELSE IS FUCKING SLEEPING IN MY ROOM.

I left my white tank top on the table, but now I can't find it because someone must have picked it up and chuck it somewhere else. This is why we fucking don't want anyone to enter our room, because things go missing. I left it there perfectly so I know where to find it the next time I come, but see what happens now that you let them in. Know what, I'm gonna go there tonight and make sure I put the boxes on the bed and on the floor so no one can sleep in there. It's our room anyways. We deserve every right to lock it.

But room shouldn't be a big issue anyway.. That, I can close one eye..

As we were about to leave dad's place, he stood at the gate and asked me if I have anymore cash to spend. I just smiled, shook my head and said I have enough because Knowing that he has always been tight on money, I never wanted to trouble him the slightest bit. He insisted on giving me so I took anyways, and for a brief moment, my dad complained to me and my sister that he had to give out $5 to visitors instead of the usual $2. It was then that my heart sank. Dad is already tight on cash to give out $2 to visiting kids, but now he has to give out $5?? He said it's because the bank couldn't give a smaller change. Are you sure, daddy? Bank cannot give small change or your wife doesn't want to lose face and want to look grand by giving out more money?

Whatever it is, it broke my heart to see him like that. Money forever flowing. He knows how to say no to us but not to his wife and his step children. I cried and broke down when me and my siblings walked to the lift lobby. I feel so bad for my dad. It definitely looks like he's being pushed around.

When I got back home to mom's place, she was all alone. I rather be here than dad's place where we are always welcome but never feel like we belong. Mom's place is nothing much, but it's home. Sad to see mommy waiting for her siblings to come but they never did. Didn't even bother to make a phone call. She would just hide her sorrows and just smile and always excuse them by saying maybe they're busy. They're not busy, mommy. Those assholes you call family are avoiding us. I texted my cousins that my mom wanted to come raya along with them in a big group, but they said we can't come along because the lorri was too full. The best part is? WE HAVE A FUCKING CAR. WE DON'T WANNA BE A PARASITE AND GO OUT WITH YOU JUST CAUSE YOU HAVE A LORRI TRANSPORT. WE JUST WANNA GO TOGETHER AS FAMILY. That also cannot? too crowded? fuck you.

When my family was wealthy, you fuckers always come to borrow money, free load the shit out of us, dump your kids here because you want go date and fuck some people, and my mom always don't mind taking the kids in to look after them, pay medical fees, buy school books, cook food for them, get new shoes, and when we are the ones in need of help, where the fuck are you?

When mommy and daddy divorce, none of you were there to help us, instead you look down on us and spread rumors that we went bankrupt. When the house was sold and mommy needed a place to stay, you kicked her out of your apartment. Did you all fucking forget? My mom was the one who gave you tens of thousands of dollars when you needed some to borrow. Borrow money, never give back, then still dare treat us like this? YOU ALL ARE NOTHING TO ME NOW. Don't bother scrutinizing my life and call me some 'rosak kid' because you know what, your kids are worst, they're having sex in the bedroom while you're working. Don't bother talking shit about my mom causing the family to divorce, because your husbands are cheating on you too. Don't think I don't know. You're all more screwed up than we are. You're all a piece of shit thats being dragged around on a dog's ass.

Next time when I get married, please do not come to my wedding, you have no say in my dowry money, how much I'm worth or who I'm with. When I die, please do not come to my funeral. I don't want you to wash my body or lay your hands on me, I also do not want you to carry my coffin. Get out of my life. You're all nothing to me.

Selamat hari raya anyways.

I will chew bubble gum and kick ass...

2011-08-26T07:40:00.000+08:00

We were having the time of our lives. I know someday I will miss this moment.

You're not humble or modest, You're just ugly.

2011-08-26T07:20:00.001+08:00

I know loads of guys who wants a girlfriend with big boobs. Problem is, they're too ugly to get a hot chick with huge tits, so they settle with a fat hoe instead because apparently those chest babats can be passed off as racks. Ugly fuckers like you would say you only go for a person's personality because the painful truth is, you're too ugly to go for someone with looks. Right, bro?

Before I'd get to see a picture of their girlfriend, they'd always say "Well.. she's not that hot or whatever.. I only go for the personality". Its sentences like that that always got me thinking. How bad can she look til he has to say that before me seeing for myself? Why is he making sure I'm prepared not to expect a hotstuff or whatever? & when I finally see her... daaaamn... thats a huge whale! I always try to hint my friends that this hoe is too big for them to handle, but they're always quick to defend their claim by saying "she's just chubby.. and she has boobs!" fuck you thats not chubby, THATS FAT! & those are not boobs, THOSE ARE FATS! Okay I understand you'd want something to squeeze and shit but that fat piece of turd is gonna suffocate the living hell out of you! RUN BITCH RUNNN!!

I'm not saying fat girls are terrible, it's just that you don't have to settle with a fat chick just cause you want big tits. It's just wrong. It's disgusting. It shows how low your standards are.

Anyway these are photos taken from Baybeats 2011. Went there with my little cousins. Used to bathe together when we were younger. 2 of them have never joined a moshpit before so I had to ask Tharenii to pull them in. This is the first baybeats I can't mosh it because I had to carry my camera and everyone elses belongings. Plus I'm too old for that shit. Baybeats is a yearly tradition. oh and yes I had extensions.

Question...

2011-08-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

Is it wrong if I enjoy beastility and fantasy rape porn?

I do not know whyyy... I love watching people getting bullied and force to sex but for some reason I hate bondage. Oh I like tentacle porn too! and those hentai mother fucks son in his sleep kinda shit. is this normal?

Iko Iko An Nay

2011-08-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

2011-08-17T05:14:00.006+08:00

Dear you,

STOP TRYING TO FIND THE BLOG POSTS.

K? love you..

duh of course i still do.

and heres a small picture of you to freak yourself out.

don't worry. i wont tell.

Apparently my number is written on some wall in Bedok. Hilarious.

2011-08-03T15:19:00.001+08:00

I'm not quite sure which douchebag is still unhappy with me, he or she wrote my number on a wall somewhere in Bedok blk 400+ and stated my phone number provide free sex and phone sex. I've been receiving random calls and text messages for about half a year already but it didn't happen so often and I naturally don't answer calls from unknown number, I guess it's all not a problem. When I do get smses from those people who got my number off the wall, I'll just say I'm a boy and they'll stop bothering me. They only want to speak to a girl.

What I don't get is.. why is there so many desperate boys? Isn't it already obvious enough that I'm not the one who wrote my own number there? Which person in the right mind would do such a thing? & to see all this guys really hoping to get phone sex and shit from my number is just so hilarious.

One of them was nice enough to tell me which block from Bedok that he got my number from. I guess I'll just have to ask my friends who live nearby to check it out.

Ninjas VS Terrorists.

2011-07-23T12:16:00.000+08:00

Ihopethisphotowontgetonstompbecauseimholdingaknife.

2011-07-14T06:12:00.000+08:00

Q. How many ninjas does it really take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 101. One holds the lightbulb steady while the rest turn the house around.

The Meaning Of Random.

2011-07-11T06:12:00.000+08:00

It's just not my time yet. I'm not in this movie, I'm not in this song.

2011-07-09T16:38:00.002+08:00

If two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they are still in love or they never were.

Technologic

2011-07-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

I clear my internet history regularly because in case I die ...no one will ever find out how screwed up and demented my mind can get.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, melt - upgrade it, Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it, Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it, Touch it, bring it, obey it, watch it, Turn it, leave it, stop - format it. Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it, Cross it, crack it, twitch - update it, Lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
View it, coat it, jam - unlock it, Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, melt - upgrade it, Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, technologic

If only we could see ourselves now.

2011-07-05T07:03:00.001+08:00

Someday You'll Wake Up & I'll Be There -Megan 2k2 by Reggie & the Full Effects, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

I wish I could share the joy of being alone with somebody else. If I do share it with someone then would it defeat the purpose of being alone?

Untitled

2011-07-04T15:01:00.003+08:00

Untitled, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Singapore Flyer

2011-07-04T15:01:00.001+08:00

Singapore Flyer, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Parachute

2011-07-04T14:59:00.001+08:00

Parachute, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

The Past Tense Of Shit Is Shet. (PG: Disturbing Content)

2011-06-29T02:22:00.001+08:00

You know guilty pleasures? Technically Something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling the guilt for enjoying it? Basically something you shouldn't like but like anyway? You know.... Those bad habits of rolling your taik hidung into a ball then flick it away anyhow, or sniffing the corners of your toe nail clippings... The things that's disgusting if you do it on others but is the SHIEEET when you do it on yourself. Guilty pleasures. They make life a wee bit better.

You see, lately I've been talking to my friends about things I do in the toilet. I'm not talking about masturbating or whatever (its overrated) I'm talking about THE SHIEEEEEEEET and I realize I'm not the only one who does it. Working in an office from 8 to 6, I always take hour long toilet breaks to kill time, and naturally upon sitting on the toilet bowl for more than 3 minutes somehow automatically I'd feel like shitting already, and especially when it's early in the morning, the toilet breaks are the highlight of my day. Here's a list of things I realize EVERYBODY loves doing when taking a huge dump. okay lah maybe some of these are not guilty pleasures but it's still nice to read.

(Random planking image to make blog post look interesting)

The 'fuck yeah' moment:

The awesome moment when you wipe your ass with a toilet paper and you see there's no left-over shit on it! The tissue is so clean that you can recycle it to wipe your nose! Lean back on that cold clay white toilet bowl and say 'fuck yeaaahhhhh'.

The 'I wish my boyfriend is that long':

Sometimes we shit bricks, sometimes we shit pebbles, and sometimes we try not to squeeze the hole in order to give birth to an 8 incher. You know how we'll position our buttocks in such a way, and then our eyebrows will frown like Dwayne Johnson a little, slowly slowly let it out little by little, trying hard not to break it into pieces, yeah you get what I mean. The pleasurable feeling of having feces that looks like Bono from U2 (you'll get this only if you watch the shit episode from South Park) is epic. Not only guys measure their shit, GIRLS DO IT TOO! It's nice to look back into the potty and give yourself punch on the shoulder for exiting a huge amount of what entered ...food through the mouth I meant. Don't go think far far.

The 'appetizer':

This I'm not too sure if it happens to everyone but I'm pretty aware most of us have this problem. You see, when working, I tend to go to the far end toilet thats away from my office, I have my reasons, and basically it's the toilet that is normally empty. I do this for a very special reason. Sometimes when I walk in and I see a cubicle occupied, I will refuse to shit in there and instead walk to an even further toilet. It MUST be empty. I have a VERY good reason for it. It can be very embarassing if someone is in it or worst, a colleague.

Here's a worst case scenario that happened not too long ago: This one time I walked to the far end toilet because I wanted to shit, but when I walked in I see my colleague in there too, and obviously I know she's there to shit with my same reason. I HAVE A VERY GOOD REASON. I walked into a cubicle and she went into the one beside mine. I thought maybe I'd just sit there and wait for her to finish peeing then I'd be able to shit in peace, BUT IT WAS A BAD IDEA! She started farting really loud. It's those explosive diarrhea kinda shit. & it must be really embarassing for her because it sounded like she tried to hold it in and let it out slowly, trying to make it as silent as possible, but somehow failed. I could hear her heavy breathing too because it must've really hurt. Being in the cubicle right next to hers, the smell was overwhelming! I could taste it at the tip of my tongue! My nose was fucking offended! I couldn't shit in peace so I left the toilet and went to the furtherst one. After I was done, I went back into the office and I see she's not back yet. She then came in like 30 minutes later and gave me that awkward smile. I swear eversince that incident, I can never look at her the same way ever again! Each time I walk by her table or look at her face, I will suddenly be reminded of that fucking smell.

And my reason for needing an empty toilet? I DON'T WANT TO BE IN HER SITUATION! I must and will ALWAYS let out a really loud fart before I start to shit. I call it the appetizer hehehe. Farting loudly in a toilet while there's people who I'm gonna have to face everyday is a nightmare, So I go to the far end toilet in order to avoid my colleagues, and if they're in there too, I will hold it in and go to the even further toilet. Shitting without letting out some gas feels very incomplete. It's like your body's queefing way of saying "you're not done yet, sit longer and wait for the fart, THEN ONLY you're finish shitting."

The Distraction:

This for The Appetizer situation (refer to above). Sometimes when you're gonna fart, can't hold it in any longer, you have to make noises in other to muffle out the sound. Sometimes we flush, sometimes we move our feet on the ground, sometimes we play a game on our iphone, sometimes we pull the toilet papers really hard, and sometimes we just bang on the cubicle walls.

The 'cloning':

Okay this is racist, but we're all somehow racist in a way too anyways, Sometimes subconsciously, and my IC states that I'm Indian too so I have every right to joke about my own race and not be regarded as racism. The colors of our poop are never the same. One day it's green, the next it's brown, sometimes black, sometimes white, and when I'm lucky I see what looks like the Singh next door. What do you call an Indian shitting? Cloning.

(Another random planking image to make blog post look interesting)

The 'floater':

It's a rare occurance for me to see my poop float cause normally it would naturally sink, and when it does float, I feel like it's one of those days. You know those days.... Those days when shit always happens. hehehe get it get it?

The 'Why do I always need to shit when I'm about to leave the house?'

Is it the anxiety of going out that causes this? maybe the nervous feeling of going to meet someone new? I ALWAYS have to shit when I'm about to go out and it sucks when I'm already half way to the train station and I have to turn back home to shit. Apparently the trick to this problem is to wear your shoes then stand at the door for 5 minutes, then somehow the bowel movements will start and you're still conviniently near your comfortable home toilet :D

The 'I need a newspaper or a cigarette':

When I started smoking, I was really young and underage, and I had to hide it from my parents So I normally smoke in the toilet when I'm taking a dump. It became such a habit that I can't shit when I'm out of cigarettes and need to shit when I'm smoking outside. Before I had this habit, I used to always bring a newspaper into the toilet to entertain myself when I shit. When I don't have a newspaper or any reading material, I'd grab the closest shampoo bottle and read the ingredients! I can even memorize most of it til today!

dahhh dahh i cannot think of what else more to write. I need to go shit now. bye

Pin-up girl photoshoot.

2011-06-27T04:50:00.003+08:00

kickin in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, which seat can i taaaaake.

I put on weight. I feel good. Fuck ya'll.

K-O-T-E-K

2011-06-18T15:02:00.000+08:00

Which is the correct Malay word for a dick? Konek or Kotek? One sounds offensive and the other is simply funny. Both has never been taken seriously. I've never gotten a chance to write a proper sentence mentioning the male genitalia when I was still schooling, So I still don't know. "isap konek" sounds more badass than "isap kotek". Why ah? Try saying 'konek kotek' 10 times fast, you'll smile halfway. WHY AH? and why do we all imagine that very same particular bacin image of a small kid's haven't sunat penis whenever the word 'kotek' is mentioned? why do we immediately imagine a hard matrep's dick when 'konek' is said?

Next time if someone asks you how to spell out a word or a name, just say "K-O---(2 second pause)---T-E-K". You'd be surprise that they will actually write it down before realizing WTF it is.

konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek konek kotek

We So Asianzzzzzz

2011-06-11T01:22:00.001+08:00

We So Asianzzzzzz, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Can you feel the rush adrenaline in my blood?

2011-06-11T01:14:00.001+08:00

Can you feel the rush adrenaline in my blood?, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Via Flickr:
My eyes are open but everything still moves in slow motion. Breathless and blue, and behind your eye's the sea. Oceans of lights enveloped me.

Arshanti's Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide.

2011-06-04T16:24:00.005+08:00

I love to daydream, have long meaningful conversations with myself and ponder about things we rarely come to think about. I do this alot, thats basically how I always tend to come up with random ideas to write about. This was written halfway last night and I stopped because I got distracted by some random shit and didn't have the time to continue writing.

3rd June 2011

I once asked myself, what if there would to be a zombie apocalypse, though I am very aware the chances of it happening is close to impossible, firstly, considering they no longer have their human self-defence instincts and doesn't even have the sense of self preservation to run and hide when it's in danger; they have too many natural predators, and by this I'm talking about birds, insects, dogs. The ability of swapping flies away and having an immune system is what keeping the maggots from eating our eyeballs out, and these zombies, they dont have what we have. Secondly, heat. It is generally accepted that zombies continue to rot even as they walk around the streets, yes? Well if you are already aware that dead bodies bloat, you should also already know it is caused by gasses created by bacteria that continue to grow rapidly when the body immune system is shut down, also with the help of heat, the process gets even more faster. So especially in a country like Singapore, rotting fat bob dead zombies will explode due to the heat in a matter of, say 2 days?

I'd be glad to continue listing out more scientific reasons a zombie outbreak would quickly fail, but to tell you the truth, I was just ripping it out from cracked.com. You can read it here http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html

But lets say... maybe... just maaaybee it happens. Maybe it's those zombies from The Crazies, The ones that carries around a kind of bacteria that makes you go crazy and suicidal. The question here is, where would you run for safety and what would you do? I've thought about it. I have my safe house planned. I know where to go.

Weapons & Equipments:

I have a 2 year experience of playing Left 4 Dead, not on expert level yet though, and I have learnt that using a melee is the most effective weapon when a horde of zombie is running straight in your path. I have asked my friends the very same question and they said they'd be looking for guns. Don't be an idiot can? We live in Singapore, what are the chances of finding a gun. Don't bother running to a police station either, singaporean cops don't carry enough bullets to defend for themselves, and they probably wouldn't have time or the access to get more supplies. Melee, my friends. Effective and conviniently in your kitchen drawers. Grab one. Parang, broomstick, gala pole, your brother's guitar tong, anything that is at least long and strong enough to sustain from breaking and hit more then 2 incoming zombies at one swing. Anyone who have played Left4Dead on steam with me would know that I always aim for the katana sword or the axe. Once I get a hold on them, I would never change to another weapon unless speaking of pipebomb and all that other jazz. You see, when you have a melee weapon, you not only get to hit more than 1 zombies at one swing, you can also run and hit at the same time without having to waste time and the very limited amount of bullets and aim for the head or missed the shot like when using a gun. Guns are a waste of time. You have to aim properly and kill them one by one. This is seriously suicidal if theres a whole horde coming after you. If you're on safety level, away from it, I guess it's alright to use a shotgun, but it's still a waste of energy and armour to try and kill as much zombies as you can. The trick and thing you should be concern of is to survive, kill anything that tries to get in your way and get to a safe house, not to kill as much as you can. If you have played Left4Dead on expert mode, you should know that to survive to a next safehouse, you just have to make a run for it without looking back. So for a weapon, I'd choose a parang ...for now.

I'd probably be home alone in Yishun when this shit happens, I assume day time. mom probably at work and brother would be in school. I doubt they'll be back anytime soon or maybe not at all and for now I can only think for my safety. I know home is safe, no zombie can break through these gates and door, but how long am I suppose to hide here? There's not enough food. So I guess I'd be leaving the house... I'll be with my typical hot pants/short pants and I'd be wearing a tank top, nothing too heavy, I'd be in my Vans adventure shoes, just something I can run around with. I'd carry with me my brother's NS field pack equiped with:

- My black color Cotton On hooded sweater to blend in at night and warm myself in the rain

- A still working 1980's looking flash light I found that was already in the storeroom when we moved here.

- A whole box of handyplasts/plasters for my blisters on my pinky toes from long walks.

- Extra batteries for the flash light and whatever the fuck.

- My cannon 50D camera aka Alexander Supertramp. It has a name, of course I'd bring it with me everywhere.

- My iphone, but it probably wouldn't have any reception or 3G signal to check the internet so I'd turn it off to conserve the battery power most of the times. I'll still bring it JUST IN CASE.

- My asthma Ventolin inhalers.

- Panadols

- My Passport in case I run into government officials or a safe camp.

- A plastic bag to keep my batteries, torch light, iphone and camera from getting wet.

After I pack these into my bag, I'd find a paper and pen and write a note to my mom or brother, whoever survived and made it home. In the note I'd let them know where I'd be and not to worry for me, I'd then give them instructions on how to find me because thats the safest place I could think of. I'd tape the note on the front door. I'd then fill a bucket full of cat biscuits for Sissy and leave the toilet tap running with a bowl on the bottom so she can drink water whenever she wants without it drying up or running out. I'd also make sure the water has a way to drain out so there won't be mosquitoes or fungus infesting. I can't bring Sissy with me so the best I could do for now is to make sure she has enough to survive for 2 weeks.

I'd leave the house and head straight to the shops nearby. My parang will help keep me in defense from zombies if I would to bump into them on the way there. There probably won't be anyone there so I can just find my way to break in and rob for supplies. I will rob the shops and equip more things into my bag with:

- A bottle of mineral water

- 2 black and red colour spray paints from the hardware store to leave messages on walls for other survivors.

- Bottles of yakult to keep me happy.

- Cans of Red Bull for energy to run and stay alert.

- Bandage, wet wipes and alcohol from Guardian (the windows are made from clear glass so it's easy to break into it)

- Those Apollo bread rolls and crackers, any food that won't expire soon for snacks on the go from the mama shop.

- Swiss knife with nail cutter and all that comes with this 100-in-1 device shit.

- A radio satelite walking talkie thingey that I most probably could steal from the security guard's post.

My dad used to say "only buy things you need, not things you want." So for this case, Only carry things you need and not things you want. My bag should be heavy by now and I can only handle this much weight to run with it.

Surviving The Journey To the Safe House:

After getting supplies, I will have to find a better weapon because I'd be facing an even much bigger crowd of zombies as I will have to make my way across the country. Since I'm living in Yishun, my first stop would be to North Point. I know there's an axe somewhere in the building. I'll check Home-Fix The DIY store. They should have an axe there, but if they don't I could just use the emergency exit's axe. The red one in those red boxes that's always on walls. You know what I'm talking about.

So with my supplies and armour ready, wanna know where's my safe house? The Giant Shopping Mall at Tampines!!!!

I'm not kidding. You can find ANYTHING you want there. There's the food department, furniture, electronics, and what's not, it's the safest building I could think of considering there's not much glass windows or walls that zombies could break into. You can eat all you want from the food section, you can COOK anything you want from the stove at the electrical appliances section, you can sleep and make yourself feel at home at the furniture section, there is also a roof access that you can get to and leave an SOS sign for any passing hellicoptors or planes to see. The only problem you'll be facing when you get there is to kill every single infected zombie that could still be in there and board up the outdoor emergency staircases so no zombie can climb in. Also, must lock or block every single door or exit from the basement levels because the zombies could wonder down there through the carpark exit. If I'm not mistaken, the Giant building has a warehouse in it or something like a drop off point for trucks to unload the supermarket's goods. I'll leave that door clear but lock, so in case there's other survivors, I can help them come in.

Now you know where's my hideout but how do I get there? Well from North Point, I have to travel by foot because the roads are probably blocked or jammed and I don't even know how to drive a car. I could probably figure out how to ride a motorbike and it would be convenient to slid through the abandon vehicles along the roads but what are the chances of finding a motorbike that has it's keys on it? A bicycle is too risky because I'd draw attention from zombies and I'm sure they can run as fast as my bicycle could go. My plan is to walk on the MRT train tracks. There would be the least zombies in my way. I can't get on the Yishun MRT train track because the train station shutters would obviously be close and lock and I can't get up to the platform, so I'll walk all the way pass Khatib to where the Yishun Dam is and climb up the fence where the train track is on ground land. I am now on the train track. Walking on the tracks is not safe but it's at least safer than being out on the roads. I'll just have to walk quickly and try not to draw any attention from the zombies on the roads because I'm sure they're smart enough to climb up the fences. I have to do this all the way til I am pass Ang Mo Kio station where the train track stops being on the ground floor and goes to second level high. When I'm on higher ground's I'm abit safer because the zombies won't be able to climb up unless somehow the train station shutters are not down. Still, I have my melee to keep me safe. I will stop before going pass Bishan station to relax for abit and have a drink because after Bishan, the train track goes UNDERGROUND.

This is where the torch light comes in handy. The tunnels would obviously be dark and you may never know if the infected ones are lurking around in the darkness. I have about 20 stations to walk pass in order to get to Tampines and half of it in complete underground tunnel darkness. Once I reach Kallang Station, I'm once again above ground level and out of the tunnel. It would be a sigh of relief but I still have a long way to go to reach Tampines station. Once in Tampines, I would have to jump off the tracks and find a perfect soft landing area because I can't go through the platform and down the normal ezlink gantry, considering the shutters are close and locked.

It's probably night time now and that would means more zombies lurking around. I'd have to put on my cotton on sweater and blend in the darkness. The Giant Shopping Mall is nowhere near the Tampines Station so I'd have to carefully make a dash for it.

If There Is Other Survivors Along The Way:

Make it clear that you are not another one of the infected zombies because the other survivors might mistake you as one and kill you. I'd probably shine my torch towards them and give some morse code message in order to get their attention. I'd tell them my plans for a place to take cover and ask if they wanna tag along. The more backup, the higher chances of surviving.

If The Giant Building Is Completely Locked:

There's no way to break in. I'm screwed. You're screwed. I'll just kill myself now. I wasted a whole day walking on mrt tracks for this piece of shit. You just wasted your time reading this blog post to see a depressing ending. congratulations.

The Mystery Of Bob The Fat Boy.

2011-06-01T14:54:00.000+08:00

Have you ever noticed that fat Malay guys are somehow very fond of the nickname Bob? Think about it.. I'm sure you have at least 1 friend known as Bob who happens to be overweight. Bob, the fat guy of the social circle, the sweet, yet loud and funny one who can never get laid, the one who always arrive late on a bicycle. Everyone knows a Bob. Every Bob somehow owns a pair of blue colored polyester fabric soccer jersey. He wears it as his home clothes and to lepak under the block sometimes, but you've never seen him worn it to soccer practice. Think about it.. You're starting to get a vivid image from your memory of the last time you've seen him wearing it but you're just not quite sure when right? Every Bob also happens to be into sepak takraw at a point of time in his life. Think about it.. So true right?

We all know a Bob, and no, it is highly unlikely that we are talking about the same Bob, because Big Bob is EVERYWHERE!

I've thought about it so many times, just trying to unlock the mystery behind this fat boy nickname phenomenon. I thought maybe B.O.B is the abbreviation for Badan Orang Besar, but it's too ridiculous right? Wouldn't it be soul crushing and bad for the fat boy's self-esteem to be accepting such a nickname? Then I figured maybe the name Bob itself sounds round and fat, but then again maybe its the fact that so many fat guys have the name Bob, thats why it sounds round and fat? sigh... how ah?

I facebook searched the name Bob in the Singapore region. Know whats the first result that appeared? Bob Bunchito. BOB BONCHIT! BONCHIT! SEE! TOLD YOU SO. Even Harley Davidson named one of their latest collection of bikes a 'Fat Bob'.

So next time if there's a new mat in town and he happens to be fat, just assume his name is Bob. There's a 70% chance that you could be right.

The boy with the 4 inch dick. (M18)

2011-05-29T19:47:00.001+08:00

I spent what was left of my Saturday with a few of my really dear old friends from The Full Effect/Anti Minahs & Kening days. Last I saw them was when I was still attach to Acezwanndhe (4 inch). So much have changed since we last met and I caught up with what I've been missing out. The whole night was spent bitching and gossiping about 4 inch and how after we broke up, he got attach to 2 more girls and they both came back with the same result like I did, to realize 4 inch is just a very sensitive and emotional woman who has a very small dick. It's so small that I don't have to do an up-down motion with my hands for a handjob, I JUST HAVE TO VIBRATE! I was with that piece of shit for 6 months straight, suffered and beared his perangai, take in every blame for every shit and argument he started, become a verbal punching bag for him to call a slut/bitch/pompuan sial, he embarassed me in public by crying by the side of the road curb when I jokingly refered to him as 'jantan' and push be backwards when I was squatting directly infront of him to coax him. He once stayed over, but refuse to talk to me the whole day because I was still in talking terms with Donovan (the love of my life ^^) and he just lay down on the coach with his phone facing me directly and he was browsing his ex's blog to annoy and make me jealous! Then the next morning after making up and all that vibrating handjob shit, he actually admitted that he was reading her blog infront of me because he wanted attention. YOU FUCKING WOMAN! GO TAKE A PANADOL MENSTRUAL PILL.

Another one of the stupidest incident was when he went through my ebuddy MSN messages on my iphone (HE ALWAYS CHECK EVERY SINGLE SHIT IN MY PHONE) and he saw a conversation between me and Afiq, Our bestfriend. What made 4 inch stood up, threw my phone against the wall, called me a slut, slammed the door shut before leaving? Well.. He saw my conversation between me and our bestfriend.. we exchanged love and kisses EMOTICONS! EMOFUCKINGTICON!!!!!!! THIS (K) AND (L) SHIT ON MSN! HE CALLED ME A SLUT AND THREW MY PHONE ON THE WALL BECAUSE ME AND A BESTFRIEND EXCHANGED (K) AND (L)!!!1111 FUCK YOU SMALL DICK!

I know I deserved better, I can easily get whoever I wanted and there are boys who wouldn't treat me the way he did, but it wasn't easy at all to leave him. You see, when he was with me, he always stay over my place and sometimes go home late til the point that he got locked out by his aunty (he lived with her), so he got kicked out and moved to his dads place. The thing is, each time I ask for a break up, he will bring it up and say because of me, he got kicked out of home and now its not fair that I'm asking for a break, so well me, being naturally sympathetic and forgiving, I was always forced to change my mind because I feel like I was at fault too.

Long story short, he ended up being the one leaving me. It was the joke of the year. His excuse was that I perangai too much when the truth is that he's the one who cries all the time! Everything he said was contradicting. He also said he left me because I can't get along with his friends... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Tiny bir-bird, you're the one who doesn't allow me to go out with friends, to have any guy friends at all, stop me from talking to my close friend (because you were soooo convinced that I was fucking him), you technically don't allow me to hangout with them at all and you're saying I can't get along with them.

He's the only ex-boyfriend I have whom I can sometimes forget ITS existance. I can forgot that 6 months actually happened. He really mean nothing to me. Now that he's out of my life, I've never been happier.

So last night... My friends we telling me about 4 inch's newer victims that came after me. They told me about one of his particular girlfriend who he 'lost his virginity to'. You know the weird thing is? He lost it to me :) I taught him how to lick, rub, dry fuck, BUY WHAT BRAND OF CONDOM, how to leave a love bite, I technically made him a bastard. I know I was the first one because the exes he has before me were all those kental decent to the core kinda douchebags. So yes, my fault.. I changed his life and made a bastard of out him ^^

Well speaking of sex.. okay this is not really about sex but close.. The first time we came in physical contact was at Ang Mo kio hill, the one behind the MRT station. Don't ask me why there but really, outdoors are thrilling heh. The whole hill is dark because the lights are off by 12am. We were making out on the bench and he was slowly making his awkward moves to feel me and everything. Then he grabbed my hands and put it on his pants to feel something. Just somethinggg, not quite sure what it was.. but somethinggg... I was sooo confused at that moment and stopped kissing to take a look because I thought what I was touching was his handphone! IT'S THAT SMALL. Things then ended right there and it was never spoken of again until the next day, I just had to meet our bestfriend Afiq just to personally ask him if a dick that small is normal or not.

He's also very convinced that his dick is huge ...because I made him feel like a king. hahahahahahahaha

Friends also told me that I happen to be the only ex that 4 inch is afraid of. He somehow believe that I will beat the crap out of him if we would to meet. I think the most I would do is to scream "4 INCH!!!". I don't beat. chill ah brahh.. They sometimes jokingly said they wanna invite me to their hangout sessions and 4 inch would freak out.

Planking.

Work sucks, I know..

2011-05-28T20:59:00.004+08:00

Been so busy.. No time for social life.. No time to even shave. Having an 8am to 6pm office job is not easy. I have to wake up for work everyday at 6am and I only get to reach home when the sun goes down. I will then sleep at 9pm and the cycle continues.. No life.. But thats alright.. This I have to do. I'm now working for Omega Integration and I'm an assistant purchaser. I guess this is a really big step for me. Everyones been asking how I manage to get jobs like this, considering I'm a high school dropout with no qualification whatsoever (I used to work for a television production company too) Well my friends... You don't need to be clever to work in an office. You just need to be smart. Heh,

It's a scary world in the business field. I'm constantly under pressure to adapt to newer things and I have to be very careful not to screw things up which I ALWAYS do when I'm pressured. This is the kind of job that you need to use your brain to the fullest and if it's shut down or distracted, you're in deep shit, Piles of papers will be flying straight back at you. I get so stressed and sleepy doing paperwork sometimes that when I stare at it long enough, the colors change from white to blue!

Lunch time isn't so bad.. I'd be with my sister. Oh yes, me and my sister work in the same office, and our cubicles are side by side :D well for now that is.. She's the popular socialite at work and I'm the quiet reserved one. That's just how I am. Quiet. No I'm not shy. Just lazy to talk and get to know others, quiet. I'm just here to work anyway. I'm the youngest in the office. Everyone else are around the ages of 24 to 60. There's only 1 Malay at work and everyone else are either Chinese, Myanmar, Pinoy or Indian. They're always with their racial cliques during lunch time so I'm basically on my own, alone, whenever my sister is on leave or MC. Going for smoke breaks and finding an empty toilet around the whole building to shit in peace and fart as loud as I want has become a way to pass time at work when time is moving slow on a bad day.

I get the weekends off but still, it's like no life to me, because I'd be sleeping the whole day away and by the time I wake up, I'd have to get ready for the next day of work. I'm too tired to go out, no time to date anyone. My life is work, I eat at work, I spend all my time with work, I go home I think of work, I sleep I dream of work. HOW AHHH?????

Mom's birthday last night.

I don't wanna lose weight anymore

2011-05-21T21:31:00.001+08:00

It's silently killing the chubby child in me each time I deny my basic intake for protein. It hurts inside. I often refuse to speak my mind whenever someone realize my rib cage gets obvious or when mom realize the food she stock up in the kitchen for me was never touched. I never knew it was starting to be a problem until I was hospitalized twice. Nutrition deficiency does alot of shit to my body that I never thought was capable of. The shit it does to my kidney and my backbone got me hospitalized the second time and that was when my mom decided that I start living with her so she could watch me eat. It just hurts to watch her try her best to look after me but it is myself who's being the idiot and making myself sick all the time. I can go on without food for 17 days and not realize what the hell I'm doing. I was digging my own grave.

I was never satisfied with how I look. All I wanted was to be good enough. Whenever I say I'm fat, I'm not seeking attention, I genuinely think I'm fat! I easily bloat by just eating a slice of bread and drinking a glass of water, so naturally I thought maybe if I cut down on that slice of bread and eat half of it, maybe I'd bloat lesser. So thats basically how it started. Gradually I eat less and less, then close to nothing at all. Still, in my eye, I look the same, but to others it is dangerously life threatening. I may not be skinny to the bone, but I was losing weight at a speedy rate that is unhealthy. Though I still can't grasp with the fact that I am suffering an eating disorder or that I am anorexic, and that I genuinely think I'm eating normally and that I'm not sick in the head at all, I am NORMAL, I know somehow that this has got to stop. Enough is enough. Stop trying to be skinny. I am good enough. What am I trying to prove? Who am I trying to impress? What the fuck is this for?

I'm not only hurting my body but I've hurt mom. Mom is trying her best. Bought so much food for the table and cook whenever she could and then sit next to me and make sure I eat. I can tell she feels sad. I don't wanna do this anymore.

I am good enough.
Enough is enough.

Makes me think..

2011-05-21T16:54:00.000+08:00

How old would I be if I can't remember how old I am? Isn't it ironic that the only person who can make you really happy is the same person who makes you sad and lonely? Why isn't evaporated milk a gas? When you feel down, why do people always asks "whats up?" If insects are obsessed with bright lights, why don't they fly off to the sun? Why do we close doors and windows to reduce noise, considering that sound travels better through solid? Why do a fat chance and a slim chance mean the same thing? Why does your noes run and your feet smell? How come you play at recitals but recite at a play? Why do you go back and forth if your really must go forth before you go back? If 711 opens 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why is there locks on its doors?

Love Is Hypnosis.

2011-05-20T23:42:00.001+08:00

Love Is Hypnosis., a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Via Flickr:
Was lying on the living room floor, having deep mind conversations with myself when I realize being in love is like being hypnotized. Think about it. Youd be in a trance, once it gets into your subconscious, you are no longer in control, you'd do anything for that person & would respond when given a suggestion or command. Cant believe it took me 18 years to finally come up with a definition for love. Love is hypnosis.

I miss my long hair..

2011-05-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

It breaks my heart to think of how messed up I get after each break up, because it seems like I always do some drastic change to myself in order to start a new. Cutting my hair was one of it, thought maybe I could 'buang suay', start over, be a whole new person. My whole wardrobe changed ever since I had this haircut, apparently the clothes and dresses I had before only suits a person with longer hair. It's very depressing indeed, but this was what I wanted, a change. Everytime I tell myself that it's okay, everything will be alright, just wait 2 years and it'll grow back, but everyone around me just have to remind me how much they prefer me with the long hair. Just shut the fuck up. I know okay..

Then..

After..

Indonesia

2011-05-20T12:16:00.001+08:00

Indonesia, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Day 4:

2011-05-20T12:10:00.002+08:00

I shall private my facebook as much as I can. I thought I heard people outside the window at dads place this morning saying "ya I think she live here". I'm really scared this time

Day 3:

2011-05-19T12:37:00.000+08:00

I guess I shall start this by day 3. I feel like someones following me everywhere I go. Sometimes watching me through the kitchen window from the carpark when I'm washing at the kitchen sink. I can see him down there, just staring by the bikes. I had the same feeling just now when I was in the bus. I was on my way to dad's place. The bus was half packed, it was, afterall, after business hours anyway. I could see him at the corner of my eye, but when I turn, he hid behind the crowd. Maybe I just think too much.

Paranormal Encounter

2011-05-11T07:48:00.001+08:00

Paranormal Encounter, a photo by Arshanti Allan on Flickr.

Where and when this was taken have a creepy story behind it. Its a trail of about 2 to 3 kilometers of pure darkness which leads all the way to sembawang beach. Went there with a friend and the 2 of us walked in the dark all the way to the end with the moon light as our only light source. wasn't that creepy until after we already walked in 2 kilometers. What I heard was what I initially thought was a bird, but it somehow have a human voice to it, a woman voice, and it come from the other end of the drain, where the huge trees are in the photo. I looked across the drain and all I saw was what I thought was a white signboard, you know those 'no tresspassing' 'no fishing' 'state land' kinda sign board. I have a very bad eye sight so the colour white was all I could make out of it. With the whole bird sounding like a human, I thought it was very weird but my friend continued talking and so i forgot about it.

After we finally got out of there and into Sembawang beach, I mentioned about the bird sounding creepy and he told it wasn't a bird and that he continued talking because he wanted to distract me.

Thank god for that and thank god I have a bad eye sight. Imagine me panicking and freaking out in the middle of nowhere with 2 kilometers of darkness of where we came in as the only way out.

If only coincidences meant something.

2010-11-18T01:02:00.001+08:00

I was watching a video clip of Smother Me by The Used. This is one of those songs that meant alot to me in the past, I use to listen to this song whenever I'm in love. Well just a moment ago, as I was looking at the pictures that was shown in the video, one of it REMINDS ME OF DONOVAN! It's the picture on the 3minute 19second mark. Donovan used to have this as his msn display picture when I first got to know him. I wonder how he's doing now :)

Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time

Misses

2010-11-17T23:36:00.001+08:00

Really? The thing you miss most in life is your exboyfriend?

Well the thing I miss most is seeing my mommy and daddy holding hands.

Modern Man

2010-11-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail. But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.ni like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!

2010-11-15T10:25:00.002+08:00

Today, Justin Bieber reached 6million followers on twitter. Just four years ago he lived in public housing with his mom. You can call him gay or that he sings like a girl, but that 16 year old gives me hope. I know what its like without a place to call home.

FINALLY my brother has a girlfriend I approve of.

2010-11-01T08:43:00.002+08:00

Peters pecker picked another Pickle bearing pussy pepper, WHY?!

Oh and Jas Chand is engaging to this girl next year hehehe I just had to post this up.

Zahirah Binte Zainal

Dear diary

2010-11-01T04:43:00.004+08:00

2AM: I can’t seem to sleep tonight, and writing has always calmed me down. Today has been quite an odd day, It’s been very quiet. Nobody seemed to want to talk today, nobody seemed to want to smile today. I felt different from them, I felt happy. As for why, I am not sure. I seemed to get happier the more I saw them sad, but that’s probably just my mind making things up this late at night. I’m not an evil person. I just want to go to sleep.

3AM: I still can’t go to sleep. All I can seem to do is think of all of the people I saw today. All I can seem to do is think of all the things I did today. All I can seem to do is think about all of the sadness. As for why, I am not sure. I’m not an evil person. I just want to sleep.

4AM: I can’t sleep. I’m so tired, but I’m so awake. I wish somebody was here to tuck me in, to keep me safe. My thoughts are wandering so far that I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to find them again. I feel so different. I feel like I might have caused everybody to be sad today. I feel like I might have done something wrong today. I feel like I might have ended some lives today. As for why, I am not sure. I’m not an evil person. I just want sleep.

5AM: I don’t want to sleep any more. I looked in the mirror. I don’t want to have to wake up ever again. I looked in the mirror. I’m afraid I may have scared people today. I looked in the mirror. I’m afraid I may have been a monster today. I looked in the mirror, and nothing was different. I looked in the mirror, and nothing was the same. I’m afraid of myself. As for why, I am not sure. I’m not an evil person. I just want to die.

6AM: I can’t seem to die. I feel like all I can do is write. I feel like all I can do is breath. I feel like all I can do is live. I can’t seem to die. What’s the point in living? What’s the point in sleeping? What’s the point in waking? I can’t seem to die. As for why, I am not sure. I’m not an evil person. I just want death.

7AM: Every word I write seems to give me more life, and I can’t help but take it. I can’t imagine how I’m living, but the words keep me alive. I can’t imagine how I’m happy, but the words give me strength. I can’t imagine how you’re still reading, it’s you that keeps me alive. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, your death brings me life. You can’t imagine how I’m feeling, I feel so alive. You can’t imagine yourself living, you just want to die. As for why, I am not sure. I’m not an evil person. All I want is to live. All I want is you to die.

LOOK MA! MY VERY FIRST NAME/BUSSINESS CARD!

2010-10-22T16:35:00.001+08:00

2010-10-12T13:10:00.001+08:00

I will not die today. I won't! Go away!

horsey....

2010-10-08T04:23:00.007+08:00

Horses go neighhhh.

My house is officially spooky.

2010-10-04T03:31:00.000+08:00

Thing has been going on lately and we keep bringing up explanations for it, anything to keep our mind from thinking about the supernatural, but its getting too suspicious now.

3rd day eversince moved in:

This was daytime, I was bathing in the toilet and I didn't bring the towel in because it's hung right outside the toilet and no one was home so I didn't care since no ones gonna look at me naked. I was bathing when I heard noises. Noises that sound too near to be from the unit above nor below. Like the room door creaking open, chair being dragged, and then talking. Since this is a rented flat from my relative, I thought they came by to check the house or something & I panic because I'm totally naked and wet in the toilet and I didn't dare go out and take the towel. So i stayed in there for awhile until I heard the noises stop and came out. I see nothing moved, no one could have entered because I locked the doors with the chain thing from inside and mom said the owners of the house wouldn't come without prior notice. This is just the first incident, I didn't think of it much, and I made myself believe that since its a new house, I'm just paranoid and overeacting over the sounds coming from the carpark below.

2nd week eversince moving in:

9am, I havent slept, I was using my laptop in the hall, my mom just got back from nightshift and was in the room. I didn't really notice it happen, but my mom suddenly shouted from the room "how did Sissy (my cat) open the door?" I was from the hall and couldn't hear what she was saying and asked her to repeat while looking into the direction of the room and I saw the store room door was open, and my mom, well, i could see her head from the corner of the room, on the bed, and was about to sleep. She then asked again "how did sissy open the door?" The hairs on my hand stood. I kinda realize my mom was lying on the bed and the store room door open by itself and my cat kept making noise near it. I then check the doors and try to find explanations to how it open by itself and I just thought maybe its because the whole night while I was alone at home, the door wasn't even closed shut. maybe. just maybe.

3 days after the last incident:

My brother heard the sound of duck quaking from outside the window. this is obviously not normal.

2 days ago:

My brother was awaken at 5-6am by the radio turning on by itself while he was sleeping in the hall. He then turned on the lights and check the room the see me and mom fast asleep. The next morning we just assumed maybe Sissy could have climbed on the tv and accidentally hit the radio buttons because the flowers on top of it fell off. Sissy likes to climb on the tv and she normally kick the flowers off too. So we blamed it on sissy.

Today:

Around 12am, my mom was praying in the room and I was taking food from the kitchen when I heard a third voice. The first voice is of my mom praying, the second voice is of Sandra Bullock from the tv, and the third... I don't know who the fuck. It sounded like someone praying. A woman's voice. It's definitely not my mother's because I could hear it override her. It sounded lower than mom's. Praying but murmuring the words. Loud too. I told mom and I think she's feeling freaked out too cause she slept with the room door wide open rather than slightly shut.

3am, The Lake house just ended on tv, I was checking facebook on my laptop & i heard static noises from the radio right beside me! Because it's just on my 3 o' clock angle, I can just turn my head quickly at the start of the noice and see it on by itself! and its not the normal sound when we on the radio, it made static noises first and then followed by music. I quickly dumped my laptop on the table and ran into the room and wake my mom up. we check everything and mom told me to think the radio is old and maybe it somehow has a timer so it on by itself due to its faulty condition. She then sat awhile with me and then went back to sleep.

its 3.30 am now. I just heard soft banging sounds. either from the storeroom or the locked extra room. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Bulimic

2010-09-29T14:22:00.001+08:00

I'm about to see a million things I thought I'd never see before and I'm about to do all of the things I've dreamed of and I don't even miss you at all

Today will be a perfect day.

2010-09-25T08:57:00.001+08:00

Life has been pretty much stable lately. I'm happy :) I don't get to say that alot and I'm gonna celebrate my happiness by thinking happy thoughts today. I watched the sunrise, it was amazing. I was alone and I wish I could share the joy of being alone with somebody else. There could never be a view more peaceful than the one from my kitchen window. It feels like the world is synchronizing to wake up at the same hour, a get-set-go moment. A moment you know everyone else is making full use of their precious few seconds in bed, and When you lie in bed and decide if this could be an almost perfect day, do keep in mind that I am doing the same. We're all doing the same. You were never alone. We're all in this together. Knowing that is the most beautiful feeling ever. It's like staring at the sun and knowing a billion others are staring at it too. That my friend, is the feeling of humanity. Knowing you alone reading this gives me faith in humanity.

I'm grateful that most people treated me like crap when I was living both mentally and physically alone in the past one year when I needed a pillar of support most. It taught me to value kindness and happiness above all luxuries or generosities. When you're in need of a listening ear, come find me. I won't leave you in the darkness like they all did.

Rubber ducky you're the one, you make bath time lots of fun.

3 more months and I'm 18! That was fast. I started this blog when I was 14!

Dramatic

2010-09-22T09:54:00.002+08:00

Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?

-Something corporate

It's like the best dinner I ever had

2010-09-09T02:03:00.001+08:00

While eating dinner today, I got into a really deep conversation with myself. I started asking myself when was the last time I was this happy, when was the last time I'd get to sit on a dinner table and have decent food prepared on the table, when was the last time mommy fried eggs for us, when was the last time I saw my mom and brother trying to open to kitchup bottle, when was the last time mommy made us a cup of coffee without having to ask for it. I couldn't remember. So I decided to capture the moment in pictures :)

If only we could see ourselves now

I took this all for granted in the past. Maybe you should start appreciating what you have.

I've got my mommy back, you will too :)

2010-09-05T13:19:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my siblings and I planned to surprise my mom by painting the living room walls red. We bought 5ml cans of red paint and oil base sealer (because the previous tenant painted the house like painting a HDB block with oil base coated walls which you can only see UNDER A HDB BLOCK.)

My siblings decide to stay over for the weekend and we started painting from 5pm.

First we painted the sealer all over the oil base walls.

Til it's all white.

Then we have fun with red!

look mom, kelap kelip!

Mom got home 45 minutes earlier than she was suppose to because her husband drove her home. so there goes the surprise but she loved it :)

Then in the night, my brother's friend drove me to Ang Mo Kio to grabbed a few more of my stuffs but unfortunately I wasn't allowed to bring my cat yet :( I cried in the car but there's nothing else I could do. Mom was afraid to ask the owner of the house if we could bring Sissy in, so we have to wait til they stop coming here and then we'll bring Sissy in. sigh :( I miss you.. and yes she's wearing a tank top. It has "queen" printed on it. cantik eh?

If you have been following my blog, you'll understand how big this is for me and much life is changing for me. I have finally gotten what I've been praying for each night. I've got a home and not a house, I've got mommy, I've got Jas, I've got lina, I've got a family, I've got another chance in 4 years to finally celebrate Hari Raya with my family again. I haven't find a moment to just cry in joy and thank the lord (if he exists) or the angels who have been guiding me. I thank the invisible guardians for bringing us all back together after being separated for a year. I think no child deserves to live away from their mother. I got my mommy back.

To whoever out there who's feeling all alone, without a family and struggling on your own, I hope you know you're not alone, because we're all in this together. Don't lose hope.

Mom & I moved back in time to 1970

2010-09-03T14:51:00.003+08:00

Mommy finally found a place to rent so we could live together as a family with my brother and sister. We don't care about the condition of the house or how decaying and small it is. As long as we have each other and not separated all over the country, we're happy. We moved in yesterday and I only brought a few clothes with me. Gonna take some time to pack everything that belongs to me and move them from Ang Mo Kio to this new place. Okay well not new, this place is old, hence why I said we moved back in time. It's 1970 here, literally.

This is the hall and my Vaio laptop makes me look like I'm from the future.

Check out this very old school ceiling fan with lights on each of it's corners

Yes, I know, The floorings are depressing.

The classic stove with a lid and also an oven below it.

Those rumah-rumah nenek beaded curtains.

Nostalgic right?... We actually rent this place from a relative of ours, cause they haven't been staying here for years and this place is the cheapest we could afford to rent. Yaa i know.. call me miskin or whatever, at least I once lived a life of wealth and I grew up in an 8 room executive flat!

We're probably gonna do some changes to this place, like paint the walls some MODERN colors, get a new sofa, cover the depressing floors with carpets :)

Dad on the other hand receives the key for his new house this month and he'll be doing some renovation over there, and I'd be having my own room there too so basically I can bounce around and live wherever I like.

Oh and yesterday I overdosed on my hospital medicines while helping mom pack things. I OVERDOSED! hahaha

This is how Ace & I really look like

2010-09-02T03:23:00.000+08:00

About 2 months back Ace bought a white Sony Vaio laptop and I sort of got jealous so I dragged my dad to Sim Lim Square the following day and I got myself the very same laptop but pink

But apparently my Sim likes playing his laptop and his sim likes playing mine. wahahahha probably checking the internet history and the opposite's facebook to see if someones been fooling around. Our Sims have jealousy issues like we do in real life!

Mr Government, Why is there a need for polyclinics when all the doctor believes is that we want MC.

2010-09-01T03:09:00.004+08:00

Recently about last week, I've been going to the polyclinic and wanting some proper diagnosis and proper medications but the bloody doctors there has been chasing me out and giving me simple medications which has no effects to my body at all. First day, I waited hours to see the doctor and have my blood, urine and xray examined but at the end of the day she gave me muscle creams and said it was just part of puberty to be having back pains. Initially at the start I had a feeling it was something to do with my kidney but the doctor chase me out because she thought I came just for MC. Second day I went to the polyclinic again to check my blood results and they found something inside which lead the new doctor to say I have either infections or cyst in my womb, so i return home again with antibiotics to try this time and said it was nothing serious, and chased me away again, but she has this stunned look on her face the moment I refuse to take MC. Then 5 days later I decided enough was enough and I needed serious attention immediately so I went to the hospital.

I had this terrible migraine 2 days ago and couldn't walk or even shake my head so Ace met me at like 7 in the morning and we took the cab to Tan Tock Seng hospital. I got put in a wheelchair there and they tested my urine and found protein and some nonsense which are not supposed to be in there which gave a clue that I REALLY HAVE kidney complications, and they decided to have me put on drip and admitted to be hospitalized.

Ace was there for me most of the time and I owe him alot for skipping classes and sleep just to send me to the hospital. I told him to go home and have some rest at 3 and not long later my dad arrived with stepmom for awhile to visit me and left right before buka. Mom works in the same building and came to accompany me for awhile before ending her shift. Then she left at 8 and I was alone again til 9 plus when my sister arrived. She's so sweet, she wanted to buy me a balloon from the gift shop but it closes early so she bought me an Eeyore plushie instead. So cute lah.. At least my teddy Freddy Mercury has a new friend and I have a donkey to sleep with at the hospital. I named my new plushie Apek Donkey.

I couldnt sleep the whole night. The pain kept me awake and the doctor told me I have Kidney infection, thus giving me Urinary track infection and a high possibility of getting slip disc anytime soon because my xray showed my disc bone popping out a little. I didn't know I was that sick.

I was violated by the doctor, he stick his finger in my ass like really deep til it hurts and told me to squeeze my hole. I just lost my anal virginity to a doctor eeee. The nurse gave me fleet, which is this huge bottle of water to squirt inside my asshole and allowing me to shit like a slurpie machine. I was supposed to hold the liquid in for half an hour but i ran for the toilet the moment the bottle was emptied. It feels funny when the moment I sat on the toilet bowl, my ass just burst. I thinkk i like it. hahaha sickk i knoww...

I lost count of the bags of drips and antibiotics but I'm pretty sure its more than 8 because they put it 2 at a time and my hand looks like a bloody robot with wires all over. The first drip pin thingey got clogged in the middle of the night so they took it out and poke me on the other hand, and then that failed too so they poke another one below my elbow. all these made my face bloat and puffy.

I kept asking them to discharge me so I could go home and smoke a stick that I've been craving for and they finally let me off at 10am. I was there for more than 24 hours and it sucks!

First time to Geylang Bazaar in 2 years!

2010-08-28T04:20:00.000+08:00

Earlier last night went out shopping with Hilmi at Bugis and then to the Geylang bazaar. I bought a few things and I love my painful new shooooess. I kind of end up taking off my shoes and then walk barefooted from the MRT all the way home. It just felt so... free... you know its like walking on sunshine.. sugary goodness.. unicorns and John Lennon... I think every girl should try that.

Nice right? This was the closest I could get to a pair of Mary Janes. Havent got the chance to find them anywhere so I guess this will do. The thing about me and shoes is that I will only buy one once my everyday shoe gets worn out. Thats just me. I don't anymore keep like dozens of pairs and then mix and match. I just wear the same one til it gets sick of me.

So while at Geylang, I thought I saw my ex and his girlfriend, but the girl looks too fucking fat and her face like kena abuse by Meth and Subutex like that, and then the what I thought was my ex looks like a Myanmar! so maybe its not them.. but... hmmmm... yeah lets just hope its not my ex or else I'll be saying WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING. jeeesh... When shanti was 15, she has no standards at all! anyhow choose guy! hahahaha

Excuse the fats on my tummy, its never always there, it only comes around when I'm having period.

serious laaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

To be honest, last night was the first time I've been to the geylang bazaar in 2 years. I skipped last year because I had run in with some troubles involving the Anti Minah & Kening thing.. So you know, I had to avoid crowded places. But now the fame has died down and it feels so good to once again just not feel too terrified to face the world. No one recognize me! know how awesome that is!? okay none of you would understand, only Hafiz As'ari will, which by the way is gonna be neighbors with me soon yaaaaaaaaaay.

Acezwanndhe I miss you.. wake up and play L4D2 with me quick!

So clever...

2010-08-27T12:38:00.000+08:00

Look at this image and figure it out before reading.

Found this at a playground in Hougang where Ace lives. It took us some time to figure out the answers for the one with the bull, the cat and the dice. I find it appalling that playground these days seems to be more for the Adults than Kids. This for example is too difficult for a child to figure out and understand, considering I too took about an hour to realize cat + R + weird greek/beer looking object = Caterpillar. The one next to it is of a bull + ZzZzzZz + R =WHO THE FUCK WOULD THINK ITS BULLDOZER! I don't think any 6 year old would realize an S + palm + witch with pointy hat = sandwich or Pear + O + Dice = Paradise. What is thissss! To whoever who designed these playgrounds to be so abstract and confusing for kids, don't you think you're pushing them kids too far? isn't it like pressuring them? Why can't you still display those typical alphabets or the tic tac toe rolling thing? Just because kids these days are more advanced with technology doesn't mean their general knowledge and understand is any better.

I like how this thing is done, its like exercise for the minds, I sure had fun trying to figure it out but I think the kids are just not ready for things this advance.

Man Arrested for facebook comment. & can I tompang glamour please?

2010-08-27T07:10:00.002+08:00

I first came to know about this when I was at the polyclinic waiting for my blood test results, I was on my iphone checking facebook and saw a link to this Abdul Malek news posted by a friend of mine Andrew Ferris. I was like "dude, you do realize he was the one who was with me the night you met me" and he didn't know the link he shared was of a dude he already met. hah okay tu tak penting. anywaaaays.. I personally think Malek deserves the fame. He is probably boasting about his predicament and is proud of being on the news right now when the sad truth is he was probably swallowing his balls when the cops came to arrest him. But Have you guys seen his facebook? What the fuck is with the support? Young Democrats Call For Abdul Malik Support? "I salute your bravery"? WHAT THE FUCK!? Do you people realized Malik doesn't give a shit about the Youth Olympic Games or the food poisoning thing and any of that matter. He doesnt care! So why with the comments he posted? Well thats just Malik. Malik does that kind of shit. When he's not busy in the office selling wood, he rants on facebook. Thats just it. He doesn't want an explanation as to why the YOG made a careless mistake for the food poisoning incident. He's just doing what Malik does best.

Mr Malek & Miss Arshanti back in happier days.

Ying & Yang of the present,

I know this guy, we were once close friends, I do not hate him, but I honestly think he's stupid. I'm one of those internet warriors myself and at least I have my limits. I do not physically threaten to hurt others unlike him and his friends who not long ago made a group on facebook to personally attack me, and a few of my friends, and also going to the extend of sending threatening smses to my boyfriend that they will rape me, they also came to my residence and took a photo outside my gate, publish my address online to scare me, etc.

"i did not mean for someone to actually burn"? bullshit. he meant it. it is not just a metaphor. He is capable of such things, I mean, hey he tells everyone he was once a gang leader of entah la ape gang. and I also have my police report as evidence when I reported them for harassment. You know what! I can just call The News Paper hotline right now and expose what I already know about this dude and I know enough dirt to put him in prison okay. Remember, you and your friends put my life in danger 3 months ago. I have the screenshots of the threats you posted online. Don't be fooled by his 'professional' profile picture, it is photoshoped. Heres proof that he is gangstuhhhhh

excuse my boyfriend and Rid Screwthatfellow in the background, but check out the shirt and that necklace hes wearing! he's soo badass!

kids and young girls with big boobs, stay away from this man. His middle name is trouble.

Abdul Malik, I thank you for the porridge you sent to my house when I was ill, but on behalf of me and my friends, you're seriously annoying. You got what you wanted, to have your opinions heard. yes We heard you, on the news on the papers and all over the internet. This is karma for when you called Sue and lied that Adi fucked around. This is karma for calling Cica a slut. This is karma for hating me just cause your friends do. Remember you used to post things on the web about me and warned me to watch what I type? well look who kena arrested? haha amek kau obat!

Acezwanndhe is still attach to me. Sorry to break the news GIRLS.

2010-08-21T06:47:00.001+08:00

Don't ask me about the constant changes of the facebook relationship status, don't ask me why we break up once a week. Don't ask me why we bitch about one another. Don't ask me why we say the most darn-est things to each other and then exchange 'i love yous' at the end of the day. We're not complicated, We're just ....weak and in love.

So I just got home and I had a long day. I did something I've never done before, I swallowed my pride. That was the last and only thing I could do to save whats left of me and Ace. I cried on the phone, begged him to meet me but he kept refusing so I just left home and turn up infront of his door. HAHAHA cause I knew he would then have no choice but to open the door and see my kesian face and then kebak-kebuk, we patched up! yay.

We've been inseparable for almost 6 months already, and we don't even celebrate any monthiversary or whatever shiet you kids do these days. Not once. wow I feel so grown up.

He just makes me feel good both inside out and in out in out. But mainly because he's fatter than me :D

When the heart becomes Lasagna, like layers of fake Impressions, fake affections.

2010-08-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

Everyone knows it is the first breakup that are the most painful, then we tend to get numb after each consecutive ones. So I was sitting in the cab on my way home and I was thinking, how come this don't hurt? Am I still in denial? Or was I faking it, simply playing along, and that the only reason why I'm frustrated and unsatisfied is because I did not leave it before it leaves me? But then I could swear to myself Im not a bastard like that, I don't do that LoveGame bullshit. What is this feeling?

It doesn't hurt. It feels hollow. It's not a heartbreak. It's 60% anger. its 20% Unsatisfactory. What the fuck?

I started to think of it this way, maybe our heart works like ice cream cakes and lasagnas, and that we have multi layers of cunningly manipulative fake impressions and fake affections, all build up to protect that weak motherfucking pumping corazon. First love, you give your whole heart, you love him to the core, you'd die for him, then when he leaves you, you suffered so much and then your heart tends to build up a layer of fence. Then comes the second love, same old shit, same old story, leave you, you suffer, but not as much and then the heart does the same cycle. Third love, he loves you, youre not sure if you can love anymore but you play along and then shit happens again, by now the heart is like a bloody cheesecake and you're confuse between heartache and happiness. By the time any teenage angst like me would to even have a forth boyfriend, we all end up being like bastards because we're in a relationship just to see who had fun and who falls. It's absurd. I didn't even realize it until I came to this point. God... we're all bastards.

So my point is, I realized our heart has layers and layers of fences which thickens up to protect ourselves from future heartbreaks. ahhhhh susah lah nak explain.

I hate Eurasian Social Parties. It's like a Swastika reunion 卐

2010-08-18T15:09:00.061+08:00

卐

I'm Eurasian too okay so you can't screw me in any way possible for posting this. You see, this is what I realized from living with them and also from being neighbour's with them, being once attach to them, ETC. Eurasians tend to have this mindset that they're better than anyone else. They think they're superior and that boasting about being mixblooded is fucking badass. I don't know what to say about Singaporeans but you're all fucking fools. Why are society here giving the Eurasians or rather fairer looking/matsalleh people more attention, better service at F&Bs and giving them a higher chance of getting jobs?

You see, whenever I go out for dinner with my dad, I noticed the waitor or waitress tends to serve us first instead of anyone else at the food place who reached first. Know why? Cause my dad's Eurasian! okay it may seem like a good advantage and everything but honestly you typical Singaporeans are making yourself look like douchebags. Not that I'm trying to say I'm not a typical Singaporean myself, hey I literally run for seats in the MRT okay, but the douchebaggery begins when you're all giving Eurasians the better treatment than any other race. So you're saying it's cool and you're special and that you're unique, having 346456533 terabites of different bloods, and that hence why you should be given a higher class label? Oh please lah, you're all MUTANTS to be honest AND SO AM I, I'm a teenage mutant cacat eurasian. It's nothing special to be so ego and proud about.

Why are Eurasians given better treaments than Chindians, Curry-moh, Chine Malaps and everything in between? This you call "regardless of race"?

I do not enjoy boasting about my ethnic backgrounds and to typical Eurasians, I'm a MALAY, PLAIN MALAY, because apparently to qualify for that Eurasian title righhhtttt, you need to be like #ffffff FARE LAH and your name must like, ends with a Pereira, Gomez, etc, and if you're not Christian then you're not Eurasian! why? Because they say so. why? because they have huge balls. Here's a color chart for a clearer point of view:

so because I happen to have more of the malay looks and not a bloody white trash, you're gonna treat me like an outcast and go like "oh youre just a malay. I'm eurasian. and i have the longest dick in the world" douchebags! I'm not trying to make a statement here just because I am not considered an Eurasian by society and that Im jealous or whatever, but this is ridiculous. You know I rather tell everyone I'm Indian than to be like "oh hi, Im eurasian. My tetek bigger than yours!"

More and more Eurasian teenagers are being arrogant to people of other races these days. What are you people being taught? What do you people do at Eurasian social parties? Why is there a need of it? discussing how your matsalleh grandmother's ass is tighter than my malay grandmother's nostril? Planning to spread the mutation and take over the world? You're all behaving like Nazis

Why can't we all just be equal. I mean we're just different by a few hue and contrast of the skin. It's just colors. My family do not want to be treated with more respect than any other race. I am as unique and special as any Indian, Chinese, Hispanic, Down Syndrome or Arabic kid.

I think from now on I shall introduce myself with "My name is Chand & I'm not a terrorist"

Oh and btw! I grew :)

oh hello mats and minahs! i still hate you! because im awesome that way..

2010-07-28T12:06:00.000+08:00

I just bought a new laptop..

That basically meant I'm back for more controversial troubles.

Sluts

2010-07-05T08:26:00.001+08:00

in this "hedonistic age", virginity is worthless and one's value is assessed by the number of pus*ies he screwed, or the number of c*cks that entered her, how well she knows how to use her tongue, and one's skill in using his/her private parts.

in fact, i think that the term "private part" is no longer applicable, because they arent "private" anymore.

however, wat disgusts me to no end is that, sluts think they are worth a lot, and "play hard to get" when they are just, sluts. i remember an exchange on a forum somewhere, where somebody called these people "community soup". lol... guy A has sex with Slut, then guy B has sex with Slut, then guy C has sex with Slut, then Guy D.... u get the idea. everybody uses the slut's "pleasure" holes.

and of course, sluts would argue that they arent sluts, but they are only using their "sex organs on different people". OR their "God-given sex organs on different people" if they are religious. lol...

when speaking about virginity, i tend to think of it as a whole, not just whether the hymen has been torn, or the c*ck has entered a pus*y. so, in your opinion, i gather that it is perfectly OK to s*ck thousands upon thousands of c*cks as long as the guys dont f*ck the pus*y?

that is just wrong, that girl is as much of a slut as any others who let guys f*ck. just that she believes that she isnt a slut and play hard to get. and wat the slut believes is not important because in the ABSOLUTE sense of the word, she is still a slut.

so, in closing,

the world is full of sluts, in fact, i would go as far as to say that ALL are sluts. it is just a matter of HOW slut the sex object is.

so virgins either f*ck the sluts, and become a slut themselves, or be lonely for the rest of their lives, or get married to a slut and "waste" his/her virginity by f*cking the experienced slut.

as for those who regret after screwing/getting screwed...

"once a slut, always a slut"

all i can say to these people is, "DUN BLUFF, LAH!". when the temptation comes again, u r gonna do the same thing again. of course, it is in my opinion that u sluts do not even have the right to "play hard to get" and "denounce 'slutti-sm'" considering how slut u all are already. heh. just spread your legs and/or open your mouth, lah! slut. wat regret? slut already, no matter how much u regret, still a slut, wat! so, f*ck u, sluts! lol... wat a pun.

*Disclaimer: "slut" is referring to BOTH genders, in case some f*cking cb feminists make unnecessary noise, instead of focusing on the subject at hand. although this respondent prefers to use it on the female gender, u slut!

walking out the door in 2 hours

2010-03-27T15:33:00.002+08:00

oh god.. my heart is breaking. I can't believe I'm seeing this again. I'm like staring at that corner I've been sleeping at for the past 3 months and all I can see is myself crying there when I feel so alone and when I lost everything I ever love. leaving all this behind. i'm never coming back. all i can do now is to hope i will be happier somewhere new. looks like I'm following my brother's footsteps to being a nomad. from this day on I have every right to say I've seen hardship and I've seen pain.

all i want is for us all to be together as a family. all I want is for us to be happy. i would give up everything in this world just to see that once again.

Happiness is only real when shared
nobody said it was easy

Moving out tomorrow.

2010-03-26T05:43:00.009+08:00

Empty is the sky before the sun comes up, empty are the eyes of animals in cages, empty are the faces of women in mourning when everything has been taking from them.. Me? Don't ask me about empty..

Empty is a string of dirty days held together by some rain and the cold wind drumming at the trees again. Empty is the color of the fields along about September when the days go marching in a line toward November. Empty is the hour before sleep kills you every night then pushes you to safety away from every kind of light. Empty is me. Empty is me.

Is Justin Bieber in my age range? I fell in love on youtube at 0500hours

chronic

2010-03-23T03:30:00.002+08:00

fainted 2nd time today due to Orthostatic hypotension. my room got this platform stage thing where my bed is at and I was just stepping down from it when I blacked out for a few seconds. pain sial. I fell face first onto the handphone charger.

I been having alot of head-rushes lately. Don't know why. My body could be lack of sugar, salt, water or oxygen in the brain. The thing is, I've already started to eat at least once a day already so I doubt it has anything to do with my _______ like previously. This also always happens when I'm cooking or standing for a long time in the kitchen. Usually when that happens I'd switch off the stove immediately and sit down on the kitchen floor.

This sucks la.. now I'm afraid to take public transports again..

better BETTER BETTER BETTERRRRR

2010-03-22T18:21:00.005+08:00

naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..
naa naa na naa na na naaa na na naa hey jude..

I need you like the dragonflys wings needs the wind, like an orphan needs a home once again, like heaven needs more to come in.

2010-03-22T15:09:00.002+08:00

Theres nothing more heartbreaking than watching your brother walk out the front door to live his life as a nomad. I love you, Jas. I cried the moment you left. Don't run to far bro.. Someday we'll get mommy and Lina and we'll live together for the rest of our lives, because no child should ever be separated from their mother.